The longer you leave something , the more everything just builds up. You just gotta smash that build-up. Let it go.
I’ve just got to stop this break, I’ve got to fill this gap. So many voids I avoid every minute, those people, those things, that point in time I can’t help but gravitate away from every minute, feel the pressure, pressured out. And so I’m held aloft on some linear progression from imagined lights to imagined lights, distant stars to distant stars the next day. One-lined mind descending and ascending but always forward, always looking forward to the next light i’m moved to.
I haven’t listened to any music in the last month. I have not listened to any music. The last song I really listened to was a song by my friend and I listened to it a lot. Otherwise, i’ve heard a lot of music, like I’m kind of overhearing it: in clubs and bars and pubs and on adverts, on streets, in shops, through the walls of my friend’s room, through the door, the ceiling when I’m eating breakfast in the kitchen, I hear it sometimes in my dreams, some eeriness in the background to blurry images that compile my sleep. I’ve had my earphones in my ears a few times, but it’s always always always that feeling where I just do not know what to put on, so much apathy, so much indifference, I really don’t care what noise comes on. I end up gravitating to the songs I loved this time last year, like some kind of contrived connector to help connect me to my external environment, the same old cold weather; the same old recycled feelings to colourise my days with last year’s shades. And so I end up mentally in some empty bedroom, overhearing something from my memory, through the walls. Wherever it is, those pubs, bars, clubs, shops, screens, walls, It’s always just noise, a distraction from me thinking about what i was originally intending to think, from me feeling what i was originally intended to feel. You won’t escape either, at some point in your day you will be reminded musically. You will be reluctantly reminded musically and you’ll be reset to this apathy.
So the last song I really listened to was this acoustic guitarred song by my friend and I listened to it a lot. I listened to it over and over. And that’s not because he’s my friend, it’s because the song is beautiful, genius and pretty much perfect, completely wholehearted; I know this because I’ve seen it for myself. I’ve been taken away with this music in kitchens, in living rooms, in friends’ bedrooms, taken away like some kind of meditation where all the noise you’ve built-up in your head over the big break, the void, the gap, is utterly replaced, its transformed to something real. You think it really could be real. Some proof of reality. This song has it and will continue to have it for as long as it exists and it will have it for anyone and everyone who takes time to really listen.
It’s not something I could calculate and it’s not something I could entirely convey, why the song is the things i just said it was. The song is a combination of un-confusing guitar, of lyrics like the singer’s clarity, emotions, it’s without any additives whatsoever other than some big epic organic love-thing, of which the music is a vehicle, and you get the love-thing too. It’s recorded rough on any means possible, it wasn’t sculpted, it was captured. I don’t know if my friend will ever make it big in the World Wide Web, but this song has made it big with me, the listener, I think it could make it big with others too, like you. It could be the last song you really listen to for a while.